tangerine trees and marmalade skies

had a really busy week consisting of meet-the-people session, ccc meeting, math tuition, exco elections, last interact commserve ever... and the last day of school was ended pleasantly with li chen at the house @ dempsey tea party buffet! the fun part was walking 5km from school to botanic gardens to dempsey hill! the other fun part was eating! pretty, tiny portions of delicious food, quaint and lovely ambience  - suitable for everyone except two straight guy friends

i'm really glad that the holidays have started because now i can just s t u d y without any distractions. i think i got really annoyed at myself in the past month for committing to things when i was gradually dying from the exhaustion, all that running from this meeting to that event when i clearly needed to dedicate more time to academic work

first goal: near-perfect scores for SAT literature and math II. come on janne! it can get boring but you must press on! you want to get to college don't you!!! (also i worked hard for the reasoning tests and it kinda paid off so i must motivate myself to do this)

oh fantasy world, and disney girls, i'm coming back

HOLY FUCK

Voinitsky (to Sonya, running his hand over her hair)  My child, I am so unhappy. Is there any way I can make you understand how unhappy I am?

Sonya  But what can we do about it? We have to go on. (Pause.) We will go on, Uncle Vanya. There will be days and days, an interminable string of days, we'll get through them; and endless, endless nights, we'll be patient; fate will send us blows, we will bear them; our brows will run with sweat but not for us, for others, now and in our old age; we will never know peace and when our time comes, we won't resist, we'll die. On the other side, beyond the grave we'll tell them how we suffered, how we wept, what a bitter, bitter time we had and God will understand you and I, Uncle Vanya, dear Uncle, will see a life filled with light, with beauty, with gentleness, We will rejoice; we will look back on our unhappiness with tenderness, with a smile; and then we can rest. I believe this, uncle, I believe in it with all my heart, with all my soul... (She kneels in front of him and lays her head on his arms. She speaks in a weary voice.) Then we'll rest.

Telegin plays his guitar softly.

Sonya  We'll hear the angels, we'll see the sky inlaid with sapphires, we'll see all the evils of this world, all our sufferings drenched in a great flow of gentleness that will overrun the earth; our life will be so calm, so sweet, like a caress. I believe it, I believe it. (She wipes away his tears with a handkerchief.) Poor Uncle Vanya, you're crying... (Through tears.) You've tasted no happiness in your life but wait, wait, Uncle Vanya, just wait... We'll rest so cosily. (She embraces him). We'll stretch out our bones, we'll relax our muscles and rest.

The Watchman taps.

Telegin plays quietly.

Mariya writes in the margins of her pamphlet.

Marina knits her sock.

Sonya  Then we can rest.



a very therapeutic activity, typing all that out. i think chekhov is brilliant in how he builds up to moments of intensity (often intense despair), and how gently he can dissipate it, like in the passage above. i enjoy the vacillating emotional charge running through his plays, though en ting deems his work overly sentimental - and it's cool, how individuals react to the same piece of literature. reading it reveals to us the human condition, while interpreting it reveals to us a little about ourselves (:

had a good time with li chen, ariel & charlotte this afternoon. just like in the old days (:
briefly reminisced about the times we got carded at the beach, smoked shisha in shady places, hid from the cops (ok not rly), fell asleep on ariel's sofa while watching woody allen films, passed around cocktails and cigarettes, perched on celine and ari's rooftops to stargaze, bought cheap alcohol on a whim, crazydanced at greg's house, crazydanced some more at greg's house, went on indian food adventures, sang indie songs all the damn time what hipsters, slept over at li chen's during and after camp re:act, mixed champagne with seawater, crashed in andrea's hotel room (though i was not there), sang and screamed and danced at laneway, did shots 'to LD!'

2011-2012, possibly the last party exco of elddfs (our juniors are sweet and obedient). it's been wonderful, guys. can't wait for the afterparty

- stop moping about SYF
- choose a decent new ExCo
- study for history and econs tests!
- study for SAT II
- finish reading plays
- start on lit H3
- prepare for grassroots attachment program

yesterday the ExCo got scolded for having a meeting in the HP room when we were supposed to be out playing games. so we played some games. and did Milo shots. after all the crazy stressful stuff we had to go through this year, I'm glad that we still have each other at the end of it all. talked to Mr P about SYF - what choice do we have but to move on.

hung out with Li Chen and had really good pannacotta from Epicurious. sat on swings near the quarry. discovered the magical combination of nutella and ben&jerry's vanilla ice cream.

went to Denise's birthday party! it was fun and chill :) happy birthday dearest you've been an amazing friend. and I'm glad you enjoyed the Thursday surprise :)

trying to remember the good bits but EVERYTHING KINDA SUCKS LOL

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HI DENISE I LOVE YOU

( jaguar, otter, hawk, whale )

SYF tomorrow, my final school play, number thirteen out of thirteen
was intending to do a reflective post about my teenage-years drama experiences, but somehow i'm not in the mood
worried; i know that the results are no indication of this CCA's abilities, but i'll be devastated if we get anything less than a gold. what/ whom do we leave it up to, anyway?

rolling a smooth speckled stone in my palm, one of the two which li chen had picked from a river in bhutan
i am calm but i don't feel ready. no, i think we're all prepared for the production. i'm just not ready to let this be my last

(cheryl, choo, deenie, huifei, jazzy, sarah, shao... i miss you guys so terribly right now)

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this is something that i'll look back at twenty years from now and think, oh my god, i really fucked up that time
i hate getting false hope each time i try a promising source. i had a list of six and i ended up cancelling them all

edit: in case any of you were curious, it's all settled now! with help from my dad (: 

welcome month of may! (cue arcade fire)

just finished: life & times of michael k by coetzee. it's brilliant - i haven't read such a powerful novel since, well, since disgrace. maybe i shall do a review soon
just started: translations by brian friel. i would love it if there was a mandarin adaptation
next in line: the hypochondriac by moliere, how the other half loves by alan ayckbourn (syf gold with honours piece of 2008), uncle vanya by chekhov
also awaiting my bookdepository package with much anticipation!

that list makes me feel a little guilty. i should probably spend free time studying more instead of reading 'for pleasure' because PLEASURE GETS YOU NOWHERE IN LIFE, DAMMIT
but studying is quite pleasurable too! i like all my subjects, even though i suck so much at econs (:
what a meaningless post! nap, then on to math and history! go go!